A Wanna be Writer
March 2019
In March 2019 I was at my low point. Life was not going so great as I thought it will. I had just broken up with my girlfriend who I thought will be first and last search of one true LOVE.
You see I don’t liked relationships at all from the beginning. I had my first Relationship when I was 24 years old. Now I am 27 years by the way. Its been 3 years since my breakup. That is totally different story. Not suitable content for this title.
So in March 2019 I had my break up and just before that my sister who I am really close to got married. I should have been happy for my sister that she’s going to start family but I was sad because now I had to take over the responsibility of house. See my Father died when I was very young so my sister took care of us that is me and my mother. Now that she is married I had to step in and take responsibility.
Responsibilities are hard, stressful and responsibilities kills the kid inside us. But no matter how we avoid them at certain point we have to accept those and try to manage things in our way.
So here I am at my low, sister is married, had to take care of my mother and just broken up with my Girlfriend precisely 3 days after my sisters marriage. Before this I thought I will have support of my girlfriend moving forward but she had other plans.
So I had a lot of anger and frustration in me. I never thought life will take such a turn. I decided to move on to the next chapter of my life. But when you miss someone you can’t just turn that feeling button OFF. life is not The Vampire Diaries. (Vampire Diary reference people who watched the series will know). It would have been cool though just switch the feelings off and its ok all of a sudden.
I started to watch motivational/inspirational videos. There are so many videos on YouTube about inspiration, motivation, moving on, ladder to success and so on & on &on. But when it comes to Indian people we have our personal favorite Mr. Sandeep Maheshwari.
He is good a speaker, He says right things and he connects with his audience. So after watching multiple videos of Sandeep Maheshwari I thought I get my confidence back but that did not happened so easily.
Then I saw one video of Sandeep Maheshwari’s in which he said channel your anger, frustration into something good. But is it that easy? Let me tell you, No it’s not! When you are angry you don’t think straight. But then he said if you want to take out your anger write things down, like write your feeling on piece of paper so anger will flow through your hand in to your writing in the paper. And I started doing that, I wrote a lot of pages about my feelings, what I lost, what she lost, what should I avoid in future and what should I accept and expect from people.
Believe me or not this thing actually work. I will not say it helped fully but it took a little load of my chest which I was not able to say to anyone. I have never read a lot of books, never actually liked reading. I am visual animal I use to call myself. I liked to watch movies based on books which I have seen a lot. The first book I read was “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson. That was a good book. After that I read few more books but not that many.
As usual after reading several books I thought I should also write something. Something of my own. My own story perhaps. Everybody got some stories of themselves. But in this world, in this society you can not change your profession very quickly, you can’t even change your hobbies because you fear the society. I have many friends who have read 100 of books and literature. But they don’t want to write or think about writing. So that puts peer pressure on me. That I didn’t even read many books and I want to write something that’s doubtful.
Just because of fear of society and friends I stopped thinking about writing anything for 3 years. Every day from last 3 years I said I will write something today. Never even wrote single article or blog. I am professional content writer and marketing specialist but I couldn’t write anything for myself. I was planning on sharing my feelings and my situation but I always thought if I wrote something like this and someone I know reads this I will be ashamed.
You don’t have to be expert to do something you like. Every Expert started as student once.
At least you will carry no regret that you never even tried.
April 2021
This is my first blog and first attempt to break out of my own FEAR. I want to be WRITER. I don’t know I will succeed or this will be just one of my many fail attempts to do something. But I am sure I will have one less regret to carry in the future. Stay tuned for few more experiences of my life. They might help you to avoid some mistakes I made or just will entertain you. Both will fulfill my heart with happiness.
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